Did you know that there are exactly 1 bazillion benefits of drinking coffee?
Turns out that coffee is packed, packed, PACKED, I say, with antioxidants—and antioxidants are crucial to your optimal health.
Coffee, according to research studies, may reduce the risk of Parkinson’s disease, type 2 diabetes, liver disease.
It may help protect against depression.
It may boost your athletic performance. (Hmm.)
But did you know studies have found that…
Coffee appears to improve cognitive function.
Are you shocked?
Of course not.
Anyone who’s ever drank a cup of coffee knows this.
Coffee perks you up and helps you think more clearly. It helps you speak in full sentences even in the wee hours of the morning.
That is the major reason why people in the United States spend $40 billion on coffee each year.
3 surprising ways scientific research helps you
Did we really need the research studies to tell us that coffee helps us think more clearly?
Yep. Here’s why:
1. The Laugh About Research Game
Ever notice that researchers keep reporting things we already know?
This is so we can play Laugh About Research, a fun game where we non-scientists take a few cheap jabs at highly trained researchers who got into top schools, got top jobs and who are doing top research at top research institutions.
The game goes like this: You read the headline to your spouse, kids or dog at breakfast. You say, “Wow, get a load of this:
IMPORTANT STUDY: DRINKING COFFEE HELPS PEOPLE WAKE UP
Then you and your spouse or kids give a derisive snort and laugh, ha ha ha ha ha! Your toddler laughs the louder than everybody else. Your dog wags his tail.
Next, you shake your head and say, “What, they needed a research study to tell us that coffee wakes us up?
“O.M.G. We already knew that!”
Then everybody snickers, mutters something and rolls their eyes, except for the dog, who just wants your toddler to drop her peanut butter toast. Your dog doesn’t give a toot about research even though he toots plenty, especially when you are all sitting together in a small, ventilation-free room.
Want bonus points in the Laugh About Research Game?
Grouse about how much that darn research study costs and wonder aloud whether our American tax dollars paid for it. (The skin off our backs! Cash out of our pockets! Money out of future allowances!)
The game is won when you all sit back and feel smarter (momentarily) than those well-meaning and incredibly intelligent but sorely misdirected researchers.
Savor your collective victory, your (fleeting) feeling of superiority and your coffee!
2. Fun with Clunky Words
The second important reason for research is so we can have fun with the clunky terms researchers use. For example, “Coffee appears to improve cognitive function.”
Cognitive function, indeed!
You don’t go around talking about “cognitive function.”
When you get up in the morning, you don’t say, “I have observed that my cognitive function is impaired due to sleep deprivation. Thus, I shall obtain coffee.”
Because if your cognitive function is lacking, such as when you first get up in the morning, you just blink and stagger to the nearest source of coffee.
If you’re a human like me, you can’t even SAY “cognitive function” until you drink coffee and start your cognitive function. (Even then, it’s a challenge for my cognitive function, as my teenagers are quick to point out with their annoyingly-ever-so-nimble cognitive function.)
3. Actual Scientific Discoveries
Discoveries may be the most vital reason for research.
Each study contributes to the overall body of research and knowledge. Sometimes that contribution is along the lines of oopsies, that study wasn’t set up very well!
But be fair.
A seemingly ho-hum study may lead to other studies that reveal insights, uncover vaccines, alleviate or reduce pain and suffering, prevent disease, develop medicines and products, or find other important scientific advances that save lives.
This is how researchers came up with the polio vaccine, penicillin and cold-press coffee, without each of which the world would definitely be a darker, drearer, more difficult place.
So enjoy a cup of coffee today. You’ll get a big dose of terrific-for-you antioxidants. You’ll feel more alert and think more clearly.
Plus, you can poke fun at the research process, while feeling inwardly grateful for the work of researchers and the progress of science.
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Do you drink coffee? If so, why? If not, why not? Leave a comment below because I want to know!